Bwahahahaha.

I'm everywhere lately, it would seem.

And now, I can be found on Google.

Just search the words "Poindextra" and "Honesty".

I dare you.

Anyway, it's been a while, I'm sorry. Stuff is happening, and things....I'M GOING TO ENGLAND OMG YAY.

Beyond that, um....I'm also now a part of The Infection, and apparently they like me. So woot. I plan on posting there sometime soon, if they allow me the honour to do so.

I plan on getting my dA back up and running.

Website's going quite well for just over a month old, go my little baby. < 3

Basically, I'm on my way to becoming famous.

AND IT FEELS GREAT.

kilubai

~Dexie

Sigh

Don't you hate it when your gaming experience is ruined by people not shutting the fuck up while you're trying very hard to finish the game?

I do.

13 years after its release, I finally beat Final Fantasy VII after playing it for the first time ever (well second, if you consider the brief amount of time I spent playing it on my friend's PS2 before I got my own copy for the PSP, but the amount of plot I saw was negligible at best). But during almost the entire final cut scene, people decided it'd be cool to talk about trivia and tidbits while I'm trying to enjoy the music and immerse myself in that world.

And I love doing that. I love throwing myself completely into another world while the events of the cinema scenes unfold. It's amazing to me. And free.

But if people are talking, then I can't fully immerse myself because part of the reality I have to live in is still present. And it sucks.

I just wanted to say that. I think I'm going to finish games solo from now on, just to avoid bitching at people.

Peace, Love, and MarioKart
~Dexie

Femi-what?

Women in the current Western society are stupid.

No, really. They still bitch about women not having enough rights. Rights to do this, rights to do that. I don't think there's any more rights we can have without beginning to marginalise men more than they already are.

Don't get your panties in a bunch, bitches. I'm not saying YOU have to go back to being a subservient housewife who makes the bacon your man brings home. But if I want to do that, which I do, you better not dare get your knickers and underwire in a knot over it.

Feminism in the beginning was brilliant. We want to vote. We want to make decisions about our homes, and our children. We want the same pay, and the same job opportunities. See, those are ideals I can get behind. But that does not make me a feminist. Today, you see women going "OH MY GOD I HAVE TO DO SO MUCH SHIT TO LOOK PRETTY FOR MEN FUCKMYLIFE".

No, you don't.

You WANT to do so much shit to look pretty for the men in your life, but you're bitching because it's a lot of effort, expensive, and will wind you up in no better shape than you were before. If an employer doesn't hire you because you look like a slob, then it's not lawsuit-worthy. If a guy tells you you're not pretty enough, dump his ass and go back on the market for a lover. Don't bitch and complain that the media tells you you SHOULD behave/look/dress a certain way.

And before you even say the words 'Domestic Violence', let it be known that men have it so much worse. If a guy is being beat up by his abusive, adulterous wife, he's the one that gets in shit. If he gets a divorce from said abusive, adulterous wife, he also gets in shit. Because the women in this society will tell him that no matter what, he deserved it. And the judicial system is moving that way too. It's sad.

Men today have a ridiculous double standard thrown at them. If they're not having sex with every woman they meet, they're not manly enough. If they decide they want to save themselves, they're inexperienced and juvenile. Fuck that shit, I'd rather have my fiance tell me that I'm the only one he's with and cares about than know that he's fucking around. If women have to be so fucking pure and innocent, why do men have to be the exact damn opposite?

On behalf of my gender, guys, I'm sorry. We fucked up. I'll admit that so that the broomstick bitches in this world don't have to.

Peace, Love, and MarioKart
~Dexie

Sleeeeepyyyy~

Hee, Blogger kept me signed in. YAY.

So it's 4 am, and I'm still awake with a laptop on my legs. So what do I do? I write in my blog!

For some reason this kind of thing is entertaining to me. I sometimes get fun little ideas and think to myself "I want to write in my blog!"

But then by the time I get here I forget about it. I'm cool like that.

It's not even so much that I want internet popularity (I already have that from volunteer work on a massive message board), or want my views to be seen by EVERYONE EVERYWHERE (it's too much of a hassle and requires more extroversion than I know exists), I just like babbling somewhere.

But keeping diaries in OpenOffice isn't quite the same thing.

So I do this. And my random thoughts and babblings wind up in Google's cache for all to see. Yayyyyy~

It's not like I say anything incriminating. I'm not a closed book, and if anything I'm as close to a nun as a person could be without being catholic...Catholic? Am I supposed to capitalise the C?

Ooh, San Antonio's on TV. I went there :3

Yes, this is what my brain does when I'm tired. Shush.

What the crap is that bicycle/hang-glider/parasail lookin' thing? TV's showing me weird things again.

Oh, who here LOVED the opening ceremony of the Olympics? I did. Silly cauldron not deploying properly. Otherwise, that was some fantastic scenery.

The fish live. There are still five of them. I should change the water tomorrow.

....Today.

I think I'm done for now.

Peace, Love, and MarioKart.
~Dexie

Just Let Me Have This One.

I'm warning you now, this is going to be emo.

I feel like I'm slowly spiralling back into my own head, and falling face first into a pit of mortality. Everytime I think about someone I love or care about, one of the next immediate things in my mind is the sight of them dying. Or just the thought of them dying.

I miss my mom.

I miss my cat.

I miss my grandfather.

I have thought, and deeply considered quite a few times, just ending my life. It's so tempting. Having these nightmares and visions in my head, the blackouts, the lack of focus....I just want to leave this place.

I feel empty. Like I'm just floating on a sea of air. Dark air. I feel guilty all the time. For everything. For breathing, taking up space. Eating food. Wearing clothing.

Something is keeping me here, and it's stronger than my willpower. Sometimes, I'm not sure if I should be grateful for that or not.

~Dexie

Stupidity in Public....and getting away with it

There is a FANTASTIC advantage to being a drama student.

My Nature of Theatre class raided the student centre commons, and all in one fell swoop we froze in place, doing our own thing. People reacted in so many different ways, between freaking out, laughing, throwing paper at the friends of theirs that were frozen in place, and poking the frozen kids.

It was an exercise like that that makes this programme so damn awesome, to me. Because yes, science is cool. In fact, I think it's badass. But it's not for everyone. And all of the science students that are my friends think that me doing what I'm doing is equally hard, because of the amount of reading, physical work, and intuitive thinking that needs to be done.

Also, so many darn papers.

But still, learning about Dramatic Art is a wicked cool thing, because it's almost like it's a part of the framework for life itself.

One of the nifty things that the exercise did was make people think about what was going on in their own lives, because suddenly as they're all moving here are these kids that are stopped right in the middle of the room.

I guess basically what I'm trying to say is that Dramatic Art is useful on more than just an entertainment level. It can also affect people psychologically, philosophically, and even physically. Think about it.

Peace, Love, and MarioKart
~Dexie

Returning to Productivity

I deleted my facebook account last night.

I decided that the site does me more harm than good, because I find myself spying on people that I haven't spoken to in years, just so I can find out what's been going on in their life.

That's just creepy. So I'm stopping myself.

Not only that, I realised that the damn site just causes more drama than I can handle in my life right now, so I'm quitting while I'm ahead so that I don't end up making my life worse.

Getting rid of my facebook account was the first step I decided to make in trying to make my life better, and sort of ease the pressure of social networking from me while I recover from things I need to recover from. That way, I can just quiet down, talk to the people who help me the most, and stop worrying about other people's feelings about me.

That, and if I want to get a job they can't invade that privacy, because it no longer exists.

Furthermore, I couldn't help but laugh hysterically at how desperately Facebook clings to people. When I went to deactivate my account, the website shot straight for my guilt complex and asked "Are you sure you want to leave? All your friends will miss you." And proceeded to list 4 or 5 people's names followed by "will miss you."

Then, there's a list of reasons why you're leaving facebook that you can choose from.

Each and every single one has a pitiful response in order to attempt to keep you here.

Fucking.hilarious.

Suffice it to say, I want to keep quiet and lay low for a while, and getting rid of 155 people's ability to spy on me is probably one of the best steps to take first.

Power to anyone else who gives up that ghost with me.

Peace, Love, and MarioKart

~Dexie