Sigh

Don't you hate it when your gaming experience is ruined by people not shutting the fuck up while you're trying very hard to finish the game?

I do.

13 years after its release, I finally beat Final Fantasy VII after playing it for the first time ever (well second, if you consider the brief amount of time I spent playing it on my friend's PS2 before I got my own copy for the PSP, but the amount of plot I saw was negligible at best). But during almost the entire final cut scene, people decided it'd be cool to talk about trivia and tidbits while I'm trying to enjoy the music and immerse myself in that world.

And I love doing that. I love throwing myself completely into another world while the events of the cinema scenes unfold. It's amazing to me. And free.

But if people are talking, then I can't fully immerse myself because part of the reality I have to live in is still present. And it sucks.

I just wanted to say that. I think I'm going to finish games solo from now on, just to avoid bitching at people.

Peace, Love, and MarioKart
~Dexie

Femi-what?

Women in the current Western society are stupid.

No, really. They still bitch about women not having enough rights. Rights to do this, rights to do that. I don't think there's any more rights we can have without beginning to marginalise men more than they already are.

Don't get your panties in a bunch, bitches. I'm not saying YOU have to go back to being a subservient housewife who makes the bacon your man brings home. But if I want to do that, which I do, you better not dare get your knickers and underwire in a knot over it.

Feminism in the beginning was brilliant. We want to vote. We want to make decisions about our homes, and our children. We want the same pay, and the same job opportunities. See, those are ideals I can get behind. But that does not make me a feminist. Today, you see women going "OH MY GOD I HAVE TO DO SO MUCH SHIT TO LOOK PRETTY FOR MEN FUCKMYLIFE".

No, you don't.

You WANT to do so much shit to look pretty for the men in your life, but you're bitching because it's a lot of effort, expensive, and will wind you up in no better shape than you were before. If an employer doesn't hire you because you look like a slob, then it's not lawsuit-worthy. If a guy tells you you're not pretty enough, dump his ass and go back on the market for a lover. Don't bitch and complain that the media tells you you SHOULD behave/look/dress a certain way.

And before you even say the words 'Domestic Violence', let it be known that men have it so much worse. If a guy is being beat up by his abusive, adulterous wife, he's the one that gets in shit. If he gets a divorce from said abusive, adulterous wife, he also gets in shit. Because the women in this society will tell him that no matter what, he deserved it. And the judicial system is moving that way too. It's sad.

Men today have a ridiculous double standard thrown at them. If they're not having sex with every woman they meet, they're not manly enough. If they decide they want to save themselves, they're inexperienced and juvenile. Fuck that shit, I'd rather have my fiance tell me that I'm the only one he's with and cares about than know that he's fucking around. If women have to be so fucking pure and innocent, why do men have to be the exact damn opposite?

On behalf of my gender, guys, I'm sorry. We fucked up. I'll admit that so that the broomstick bitches in this world don't have to.

Peace, Love, and MarioKart
~Dexie

Sleeeeepyyyy~

Hee, Blogger kept me signed in. YAY.

So it's 4 am, and I'm still awake with a laptop on my legs. So what do I do? I write in my blog!

For some reason this kind of thing is entertaining to me. I sometimes get fun little ideas and think to myself "I want to write in my blog!"

But then by the time I get here I forget about it. I'm cool like that.

It's not even so much that I want internet popularity (I already have that from volunteer work on a massive message board), or want my views to be seen by EVERYONE EVERYWHERE (it's too much of a hassle and requires more extroversion than I know exists), I just like babbling somewhere.

But keeping diaries in OpenOffice isn't quite the same thing.

So I do this. And my random thoughts and babblings wind up in Google's cache for all to see. Yayyyyy~

It's not like I say anything incriminating. I'm not a closed book, and if anything I'm as close to a nun as a person could be without being catholic...Catholic? Am I supposed to capitalise the C?

Ooh, San Antonio's on TV. I went there :3

Yes, this is what my brain does when I'm tired. Shush.

What the crap is that bicycle/hang-glider/parasail lookin' thing? TV's showing me weird things again.

Oh, who here LOVED the opening ceremony of the Olympics? I did. Silly cauldron not deploying properly. Otherwise, that was some fantastic scenery.

The fish live. There are still five of them. I should change the water tomorrow.

....Today.

I think I'm done for now.

Peace, Love, and MarioKart.
~Dexie

Just Let Me Have This One.

I'm warning you now, this is going to be emo.

I feel like I'm slowly spiralling back into my own head, and falling face first into a pit of mortality. Everytime I think about someone I love or care about, one of the next immediate things in my mind is the sight of them dying. Or just the thought of them dying.

I miss my mom.

I miss my cat.

I miss my grandfather.

I have thought, and deeply considered quite a few times, just ending my life. It's so tempting. Having these nightmares and visions in my head, the blackouts, the lack of focus....I just want to leave this place.

I feel empty. Like I'm just floating on a sea of air. Dark air. I feel guilty all the time. For everything. For breathing, taking up space. Eating food. Wearing clothing.

Something is keeping me here, and it's stronger than my willpower. Sometimes, I'm not sure if I should be grateful for that or not.

~Dexie